I’m so tired nowadays…
aren’t you sleepy?
tired of the haters, fake friends,
and the greedy.
Sometimes I even get tired of people that need me.
Seems like I’m drowning in this water,
but everybody else is knee deep.
I would like to know where you all took your swimming lessons.
The side ladder was your exit,
…What if mine’s a Smith & Wesson?
Would I still be a man if I gave up because I’m stressing?
Will I lose my brown skin once I step in therapy sessions?
I’m messing;
That last one was a rhetorical question.
I’m honestly wondering if my load will ever lessen,
I love God and I know he’s always got my back..
I just wonder if I give up, could I still get into heaven?
Feels like I’m in over my head; the water’s rising quick –
life’s an endless graveyard shift
and I’m the man too weak to quit.
I stand up for my friends
but when it comes to me, y’all like to sit.
My conscience is yelling “stop complaining; maybe just commit!”
Tell me, what’s a man anyways?
I admit I’ve pondered this for many days
I think does money buy happiness –
Mine must still be on layaway?
When I was just a boy I wondered why my dad stayed away.
And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder about that today…
… is that the type of thing a grown man should say?
Lord help me bury weakness before feelings escalate.
People always think that smiles and laughter means a man’s okay.
I’ll just tough it out; at least I feel better than yesterday.
Ughhh…Now I feel like I’m just dragging this out.
I had to write it down,
cause I can’t say stuff like this out loud.
I’m kind of worried that this might travel by word of the mouth
and I’ll wake up tomorrow strapped onto a bed or couch….
Being forced to pop pills to get my “sadness” all out,
while within a war is raged between my heart and my doubts.
